Greetings my poppets! Surely you’re wondering what all of this is about, well no problem! I’ll gladly spill my guts (yeah, expect bad puns, ALOT of ’em).
I’ve been a horror fan for years, and that unfortunately, involves a lot of crap films, bland films, and the occasional gory gem. I also love snarking at them, so why not do so for a public audience. You get to discover some great films, laugh at the pain caused by bad films, and hopefully have a bit of fun along with me.
On to the format I’ll use: I can’t stand huge text blocks or copy-pasted summary “reviews”, so thing will be split into nice, neat categories. Like so:
Title of Review: Will be the title of the film, with the occasional snarky change, especially if it was particularly bad.
Image of the Poster: If applicable ( some Indie “gems” don’t have them for some reason) As a designer, I’ll provide a mini critique of the Poster ( some of them are baaaad. *Shudder*)
Plot: Short, sweet, and to the point. Will introduce characters and actors and provide a brief (6 sentence max) plot overview. I will avoid spoilers, as some films will be newer, but don’t expect that courtesy in the review portion. Expect nicknames to be applied to everyone, especially the generic college/teen characters.
Review: The meat and potatoes ( or , if we’re talking slashers, kills and tits) of the post. I won’t summarize everything. Instead, I’ll hit high points, low points, odd choices, and facts of interest.
Expect two to three paragraphs. Should you want more words, drop me a line via the contact link. I’m willing to listen to critiques and improve as I go.
Conclusion: Recommended audience, final thoughts, and a rating, of sorts.
I don’t feel an X/10 rating is the best method of reviewing something. Rather, I’ll suggest a niche of viewer’s who may like it and either recommend a buy, Netflix/rental, or avoid.
I’ll keep these on a weekly basis, as I’ll need time to watch the film a few times and gather my thoughts. Suggestions for films are appreciated. However, I won’t review exploitation films and torture porn (gorn) automatically makes me salty and isn’t gonna be rated as highly.
Trailer: If I can find one, I’ll post a YouTube link to the trailer of the movie. Any major changes between the final product and this, if applicable, will be noted and made fun of.
The ghouls in the attic are howling for flesh, so as a little teaser for what I’m reviewing first: